Movie Review: Oily Maniac

I love how straightforward the titles of Chinese movies can be.  Oily Maniac?  Well I guess we all know what we're in for with this fine offering!

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Oily Maniac
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	1.8 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	2 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	1.6 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Oily Maniac
Director	Ho Meng Hua for the Shaw Brothers Studios
Actors	Danny Lee, Chen Ping, Lily Li, Hua Lun, Wang Hsia
Year	1976
Format Viewed	VCD Shaw Brothers 100185 What is a VCD?

This Chinese movie from the Shaw Brothers Studios is very much in the tradition of the goofy, random monster movies that proliferated in the second half of the twentieth century.  This movie making strategy takes anything, anything at all, and makes it into a monster.  The monsterfication of ordinary things was often done by making them extra big, or extra strong, or maybe “radioactive.”  A reliable hallmark of this technique was ominous, dramatically building music, the slowly rising “dun, dun, dun, dun, DUN!” that we hear whenever the monstrous ant or lizard or shark or doll or janitor or dog or toddler was approaching its next victim.

Movie Review: The Red Panther

The best thing about watching (and reviewing!) obscure Chinese movies from the Gweilo's perspective is that you are carried into a cinematic world that is entirely different from anything you've ever seen before.   The Red Panther, an obscure 1983 Hong Kong film from director Kong Lung, definitely fits this bill. 

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for The Red Panther
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	2.7 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	4.3 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	1.7 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	The Red Panther
Director	Kong Lung
Actors	James Yi, Margaret Lee, John Chang, Lawrence Cheng
Year	1983
Format Viewed	Megastar VCD MS/VCD/234/HK What is a VCD?

From the opening scene of this Chinese movie, where characters eat bananas, inexplicably blow up inflatable pool toys, and seek “toilet pepper” while enjoying an “opera” performance that looks like it's taking place in a bus station, it is obvious that this film was not made with any kind of international or Western audience in mind.  Let's start with the film's genre:

Special Recipe: Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup

So I was enjoying Tsui Hark's crazy cannibalism movie, We're Going To Eat You.  (You can read my full review of the film here).

I thought: "Cannibalism?  This would be a great film to post a companion recipe to!"

As you might expect, there's a lot of evil, badass cooking in a Tsui Hark cannibalism film.  Most of this cooking involves ingredients like "people" and "people by-products."  But at one point they decide to make chicken soup instead.  Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup!

These cannibals are hungry.  Not only that, they're badass!  They don't want ordinary chicken soup.  No, they want Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup.  Yum Yum!

How is this made? Read on!
(Or don't?  This recipe is not for the moderately squeamish.)

Movie Review: We're Going to Eat You

I looked at the cover of this Chinese movie.   I saw the title.  We're Going To Eat You!?  Finally!   A Hong Kong produced Chinese zombie movie!

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for We're Going to Eat You
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	3.8 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	4.5 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	2.2 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	We're Going to Eat You
Director	Tsui Hark
Actors	Norman Chu, Eddie Ko Hung, Melvin Wong, Michelle Yim
Year	1980
Format Viewed	VCD (Mei Ah VCD937) What is a VCD?

But there were no zombies.  What was I thinking?  Hong Kong never had many zombie movies.  But they did have a whole bunch of this kind of movie.

Movie Review: Spooky Family

I think I can guess how this Chinese movie got made.  Some producer thought it would be a good idea to cash in on the huge and lucrative Addams Family craze of 1990 (you'll have to stay with me here).  So director Chin Yuet Sang begin his film with a shot of the "Spooky Family" posing together in a recognizable Addams Family style, while the Addams Family theme music played (with one note different, to make it an "original" song!)

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Spooky Family
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	4.4 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	4.7 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	3.5 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Spooky Family
Director	Chin Yuet Sang
Actors	Kent Cheng, Nina Li Chi, Pauline Wong, Sandra Ng, Billy Lau, Peter Chan Lung
Year	1990
Format Viewed	VCD (China Star Entertainment Group, WF50103V)

At this point, about twenty seconds into the movie, the director must have said "Screw this!  The Addams Family is not huge and lucrative, as my stupid producer thinks.  I'm going to make my own movie!"  So, after less than a minute into the film, the director tore up the script and threw out the premise.  The movie struck off entirely on its own...

Movie Review: Devil Fetus

Hong Kong cinema is nothing if not inventive!  Sometimes a low budget, a tight schedule, or other restrictions can lead to some really creative movie making in Chinese movies. 

For example, a lot of quickly produced low-budget kung fu movies from the '70s had skilled martial artists but little money for props, special effects, or convincing-looking weapons.  A unique film aesthetic developed from this that I like to call the make-anything-a-weapon film technique.  Two combatants would be fighting on the mostly empty movie set.  The first would pick up whatever is at hand, let's say a chair, and suddenly he's wielding the chair like a pro, whirling it around his head and using it to “chair” his opponent violently through the window.  The opponent lands hard, right next to a garden hose, which he picks up and whips around like he's been training with hoses all his life.  His enemy gets “hosed” with extreme prejudice until he crashes into a passing badger, which he picks up . . . well, you get the picture.  Whatever will they use next as a weapon? becomes a big part of the fun of watching this kind of thing.

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Devil Fetus
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	4.7 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	5 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	2.5 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Devil Fetus
Director	Liu Hung Chuen
Actors	Shirley Lui, Ngaai Dik, Lo Pooi Pooi, Lau Dan, Ho Pak-Kwong
Year	1983
Format Viewed	VCD (Deltamac / Fortunestar VCD 7082)

What does this have to do with Devil Fetus?  This film brilliantly takes the make-anything-a-weapon film technique of a low-budget kung fu movie, but adapts it for the horror movie genre, inventing its own make-anything-be-"haunted" technique.  From the Gweilo's perspective, this makes for enormous fun!  You will spend most of the movie wondering Whatever will turn out to be “haunted” next?  A haunted car?  Check.  A haunted dog?  Check.  A haunted fetus?  Well, obviously!  A haunted steam room with moving walls?  OK, sure.  A haunted bedroom set?  Now that's just silly!  A haunted dog-entrail-eating cousin-raping teenage boy?  Wait, WTF kind of movie am I watching?!